Saltbush Castle: Help wanted!

Experienced staff needed urgently!
HRH requires the services of a bobcat and bobcat operator to excavate a small area around the Castle moat. My Personal Assistant has been trying to locate said professional with little success. HRH would like to landscape said area to minimise need for water and help reduce the Castle's usage of this very precious commodity.
Any offers of assistance will be seriously considered (just like the Vet).
A good day to all loyal subjects.

Books I have read

'Tis by Frank McCourt
A Dry Spell by Susie Moloney
A Women of Substance by Barbara Taylor Bradford
All The Rivers Run by Nancy Cato
Angel by Barbara Taylor Bradford
Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
Bridget Jones Diary by Helen Fielding
Cashelmara by Susan Howatch
Dazzle by Judith Krantz
Glamorous Powers by Susan Howatch
Jessica by Bryce Courtenay
Lily White by Susan Isaacs
Matthew Flinders Cat by Bryce Courtenay
Men are From Mars by John Gray
My PLace by Sally Morgan
O is for Outlaw by Sue Grafton
Penmarric by Susan Howatch
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
Q is for Quarry by Sue Grafton
Queenie by Michael Korda
Riley by Catherine Cookson
Scarlet Feather by Maeve Binchy
Score by JIlly Cooper
Solomon's Song by Bryce Courtenay
Sylvia by Bryce Courtenay
Tara Road by Maeve Binchy
The Bible
The Children of the Earth series by Jean M. Auel
The ENTIRE Left Behind series by LaHaye and Jenkins
The Family Frying Pan by Bryce Courtenay
The List by Steve Martini
The Narnia series by C.S. Lewis
The Power of Praying by Stormie Omartian
The Snow Falcon by Stuart Harrison
The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough
Tim by Colleen McCullough
Tully by Paulina Simons
Where You Belong by Barbara Taylor Bradford

Survivor

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. Each man must adorn himself with jewellry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00 . They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me". The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. After you get done laughing, remember to get a job at the Castle, you must pass.

Saltbush Castle

Help wanted!

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Survivor

Thank you my loyal subjects